When life happens...

So what do you do when life (i.e. crap) happens. When things don't turn out the way you want them to? When you loose keys and don't find them despite having faith. When you still struggle with a disease despite countless prayers. Or when you are struggling with the same emotional problem again?! 

These are hard questions. I was asking myself this question, due to my dissapointment in having lost a friend's car keys and not finding them, despite feeling I had received a promise to do so. And  there I was sitting in a restaurant trying not to cry because it sucks. I felt God show me a picture of Jesus' nail pierced hands, and the sense that this is how much God loves me. He gave everything for me!! It seems this is the question the devil keeps bringing up, since the garden of Eden: "Is God really good? Why then is He withholding?" And since the beginning of time, we fail and tend not to trust God's heart- especially when things go badly. Jeremiah 29: 11 which says " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " is in a bad time. It is in a time where the Israelites are prisoners aka. they are in a crappy place far from home, and it's not where they want to be at all. Yet God says in this bad situation, "Trust me, my heart is good; I have a good plan for you despite this mess." And this is the challenge for us- to believe God's heart, even when we don't see it. I will describe a story to further this principle: 

• A girl was worried about her relationship with her boyfriend because he was being secretive, and she felt he was being different  and she suspected he was cheating on her. She planned to break up with him, because of this. She decided to wait until her exams finish to do so. At the end of her exams- He proposed!! The reason he withdrew from her, was so that the engagement would be a surprise.

In the same way I tend to doubt God's heart, because I can't see things in the natural- but I have no idea what He is up to behind the scenes in the spiritual. I have no idea what wonderful surprises He is busy planning for me. So I'm trying to learn to trust His heart- because it is full of love, goodness, mercy and grace. And in Him there is not even a tiny bit of evil! He is ONLY GOOD!!! So may the Lord bless you and keep you with the knowledge that He is good! May His face continue to shine on you in good and bad times. May He be gracious towards you. May He turn His face toward you, and give you peace in those moments, those seasons where life happens, so that you may know His heart of love.

Poetry: "Darkness into light"

Darkness into light 

"I’m covered in sin,

Spoilt by evil.

There is no good in me,

None at all

Yet still after all this time

You stand and knock

Knock at my heart door,

Waiting patiently until I choose to let you in.

So used to my darkness.

Don’t want to let the light in.

Not the light of love and peace-

For I am so afraid.

For I am accustomed to the darkness,

The cold floor,

The rot,

And the isolation.

I don’t want war: I’ve had enough;

I’d like some peace.

I don’t want hate;

I’d like some love.

But for these things to come in,

Light must come with it-

But I’m afraid of what you’ll find.

Yet I know I cannot stay this way,

So slowly I get up,

To let the light in

I’m so weak, so afraid.

Dear Lord make me strong.

I know I’m a sinner,

Full of brokenness and death.

So come in Lord,

If you will have me.

Flooding light,

Shattering love;

Filling my darkness,

Filling my aches.

I’ll help you unpack

Lord I’d like you to stay.

For the light of your love is beautiful and true;

Thank you for turning my darkness into light. "

Erika Filter