Change

I've been back to a place I only left 6 months ago to find out change is inevitable. A change of restaurant, a change of the church's building and structure, the change of Fanta's logo. Strange how this can catch you- especially if it's all on one day. And especially if you have been feeling stuck- like you are going nowhere slowly, or like a bad movie on repeat. And although people remain relatively the same- my heart aches and yearns for something to stay the same, yet something in me to be made new. 

In a world that is constantly changing, constantly re-inventing itself, it gives me great comfort that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Heb 13:8. That since Jesus has been faithful to lead me in the past, He will be with me in my today and lead me in my tomorow. I can rest on Him and His steadfast love. He is our rock (see Psalm 18:2) 

Yet although He is constant, unchanging- He is willing to change us make us new, make us more like Him. You see we, as humans, get stuck, and that is perhaps why we have such a desperate need to remake ourselves, to remodel our buildings, change our brands. Yet "He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Rev 21:5. Isa 43:19 says "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." You see God wants to take our wilderness, our struggles and make something beautiful out of them. He wants to change us, make us more like Him. "We.. are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory" 2 Cor 3:18. 

So if you are looking for stability - God remains the same, yet He does not want us to remain stuck, He wants to make us new. So let us trust Him, let us look to Him, give Him our hurts so that He can produce a masterpiece- something new within us.

May the LORD bless You with knowing His faithfulness
May He keep You in His unchanging grace.
May He make His face to shine upon You, so you can trust Him.

And may He give you peace while He changes you.

A witness (El-Roi)

Recently I've had an immense need to share my life, my thoughts, my art, what happened in my day. And so I send people a picture of my walk, food, art, etc. Isn't this part of why WhatsAp, Facebook, Instragram etc are so popular. But after sending the picture I still feel dry. I've been asking myself- why this need to share? Yes part of it is that I'm lonely, another part is wanting to be significant. It is as if I need someone to witness my life. I want to know my life counts for something, I want to know someone sees and someone cares. I want to feel I'm different from the 7 bilion people on the planet- or someone notices me.

If I really knew Jesus as Emmanuel (Matthew 1:23) which means God with us- would I still be so intensely lonely? Jesus promised to never leave nor forsake us (Matt 28:20). Heb 13:5 (AMP) says "He has said, “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” If this were my heart reality I would be less lonely. 

And significance? If I realised God is witness to my life wouldn't I know I'm significant?
Let us briefly look at the story of Hagar- Sarah's maid servant. In Gen 16 we read how she became pregnant by Sarah's suggestion, and then she started looking down on Sarah. Sarah treats Hagar badly and she runs away to the wilderness, where she meets the Angel of the LORD. He tells her to go back home,  she there realizes God sees her and cares for her. Gen 16: 13 (AMP incl footnote) "Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are God Who Sees”(El-Roi= God never sleeps, He sees, He is aware, He is the great Omnipresent God); for she said, “Have I not even here [in the wilderness] remained alive after seeing Him [who sees me with understanding and compassion]?” What a beautiful revelation of God, He is the one who sees, not only does He see but He sees with understanding and compassion.

Wow! Talk about being significant. The Word says even the hairs on our head are numbered (Luke 12:7). We can know someone sees, someone cares and that is God Himself- with us, for us, seeing us with compassion and understanding. Even in our wilderness, we are not alone for we serve a God who sees.

May the LORD bless you with the heart knowledge of His presence.

May He keep you with His compassion.

May His face shine upon you, knowing He sees You.

And may He give you peace in knowing He is with You.

Poem: Sunday Rest

Sunday Rest

With a huff and a puff we pant up the hill.

To sit half way high on a rock...

I wish to savour this moment-

to put it in my pocket and save it for a rainy day.

We listen to the land breathe,

feel the wind trickling over us.

The birds coo a worship song,

as the grass bows its head in praise before its maker.

and on the seventh day God rested..

and enjoyed creation.

Here in this moment I remember to be;

remember to breathe.

Here I remember I am in His hands;

that there is still beauty to be seen in a fallen world.

Keep STANDING!

The last few months have been rough.. I've felt stuck, like I was grasping a piece of driftwood- and the next storm would hit...
it has been said (Quote by Anonymous)

“I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.”

Recently I wish God didn't trust me so much, I certainly don't have half as much faith that I will make it, as He does. But you see the thing is I think sometimes God gives us more than we can handle, because it makes us desperate for HIM. You see when we can't anymore, that's when He can, He is strong even when we are weak (see 2 Cor 12:8-10).

We so often feel we need to be strong.. I've seen people bleed on Facebook, I'm not like that - I withdraw.. because I'm tired of saying I feel stuck, tired of saying I'm down & tired of asking for prayer yet again. So I suffer in silence, crying tears only God sees. But you see that's the problem- we all bleed, we all have winter sometime.. And the enemy tries to isolate us, so we feel all alone. And the lies hit hard, to make us believe that God has forgotten, that God doesn't care.. But the truth is God is with us. Isa 63:9 In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. And that when we can't hold on anymore He is still holding us - He does not leave us helpless (see Heb 13:5 AMP). That no matter how many storms hit, he is still sovereign and worthy of our praise (see Hab 3:17-19 & Lam 5). Let us stand on His truth, His promises. " Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.

In Ephesians 6 we read of spirtual warfare, sometimes we think we need to be strong. But you see Jesus is our salvation helmet, He is the truth that keeps us together like a belt, He is our righteousness and protects our hearts like a breastplate, He is the peace that protects us where we go like shoes, He gives us trust in His protection like a shield, He is the Word that is like a sword fighting for us (see Exodus 14:14). So He is our armour and our job- to stand. Yip that's it - to keep standing, to keep hoping, to keep the faith.. Eph 6 says "be strong..stand firm...stand your ground..stay alert and persistent". You see when the storm hits we hit the floor.. but we need to keep standing, keep persisting, keep believing that God is GOOD, He is with us, and His promises will not fail...

So today if you are going through a hard time, tell someone; ask prayer for the milionth time, and no matter what, allow God's strength to keep you standing. Let Prov 24:16 be your motto for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again. 

May the LORD bless you with the strength to keep standing.
May He keep you in the palm of His hands during the storms.
May He make His face shine upon you to know You are loved and He is fighting for you.
May He give you peace that makes no logical sense, in the midst of the storms.

Treasure of my Heart

(POEM)

Who will see past the scars

Conquer the walls of my heart

Who will be willing to pay the price

Ans ask the guard to see inside

But how can you deem worthy

That which I have given for free

Sold the treasure as a pawn

The priceless treated as junk

And so I loose my heart

And slowly die.

Ashes to ashes,

Dust to dust

Not realizing that it is only when the seed dies new life begins.

Am I willing to pay the price?

To die to me, my desires

To bury my if, my when, my how and my who

For to live is to die and to die is to live

Will I choose to trust,

Will I choose to give up

Will I pray, “Not my will, but Your’s be done?”

No matter what?

Phil 2:12-13

"...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" Phil 2:12 (NKJV). Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling... what does that mean? It means I'm responsible for my walk with God, not my pastor, husband, best friend etc... it's my job to work out my salvation.. but hang on, how does that work since salvation is a free gift? as seen in Eph 2:8 "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God" (NKJV). Yes salvation is a gift but once we are saved we need to make choices, and seek after Him so that we can become more and more like Him. To become more Holy, since He is Holy; “Be holy, for I am holy" 1 Pet 1:16. God is fearful, we are to worship and respect Him (see Isa 8:13 & Rev 14:7). We are to make choices that bring us closer to Him. It also means that although I need to carry others in prayer (Gal 6:2) my first priority must be to make sure I'm obeying the Lord.

This sounds hard, maybe even imposible but verse 13 gives us hope, "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." (NLT). This means that as we commit ourselves to doing God's will, He helps us by giving us the desire to do what is right as well as the strength to do it! What an awesome God we serve! We are not alone, He helps us...

So let us fear Him, submit ourselves to the process of becoming Holy, knowing He is working in us to give us the strength to do so!

May the LORD bless you as you work out your salvation,
May He protect you from the schemes of the evil one to lead you away from Him,
May the LORD smile upon you and be gracious to you as He gives you the strength to live holy lives.
May He show you favour and give you peace to know that He is with you and never leaves you alone. 

Poor & needy? Me?

We live in a society that exalts the 'put together'. You seem to get people who have it all together, they always look like a model, they have snacks, juice and a blanket for their kids and always seem so 'perfect'. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm often envious of these people. Yet God has a different view on this, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.", Jesus says in Matt 5:3. I don't know about you, but I certainly would like the kingdom of heaven!!! But this requires being 'poor in spirit'. What does this mean? For me it means admitting I am/have nothing and God has everything. In Psalm 40:17 David says, "But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay." Why did David, a rich king, see himself as poor and needy? It is because he recognized that without God he was and had nothing, and was in desperate need of God's help.

I like helping people, ask my friends.. but what I've come to notice is you CANNOT (or it's very difficult to) help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And it's the same with God- if you think you are all sorted, you are not in need, it is difficult for God to help you and  for you to accept it.

Yes, sometimes I'm an emotional wreck, and yes, sometimes I have more insecurities than I'd like to admit. But I'd rather realize I'm poor and needy so that I know I need God, than so put together that I think I'm fine without Him. We like to think we are in control (esp in Western world), that we have no need, but see what Jesus says to such a church Rev 3:17-20: "Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me." May we not be blind to know how in need we truly are! May we be zealous for Him and repent of our spiritual blindness! May we not think we are rich, but meanwhile in need of Him.

"May the Lord bless you with the knowledge that you need him

May the Lord keep you in His loving & helping arms;

May the Lord make His face shine upon you in your distress,

And be gracious to you as you ask for help;

May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you as you open your heart to Him,

And give you peace in knowing you are His.”

Log vs speck?

God has created us to have relationship, first of all with Him, secondly with people. But all those who have had friends/family around long enough will know the longer you spend with anyone, that yes they are beautiful and have many great qualities, they also have some flaws. The closer you get to a person, the more it seems these flaws become magnified. A friend who manipulates, another who never takes responsibility, the other who is always trying to 'fix' things, etc. The family member who struggles with abandonment, the other who always is the doormat, the one who never speaks up and the other who is always pretending to be 'fine'. Addictions, depression, a past of molestation, abortion or abuse leave some scars that remain in our souls. When we get close we see the flaws life has brought and they seem to be enlarged, and before we know it we forget all the good beautiful things God has made them to be.

Now I don't know about you, but my first reaction when faced with a flaw (e.g. a friend who seems to receive more than she gives) is to want to withdraw. After all I have to protect myself/look after myself. Yet this would mean that we don't recognize our own flaws; perhaps it is perfectionism, trying to win love by what we do, stubbornness, manipulation & pride. OUCH!!! it's a bit more eina when the microscope gets turned away from the other to ourselves. Perhaps this is what Jesus was talking about when he said, "And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?" Matt 7:3 (NLT). Somehow we find it easier to focus and try and change the speck in our brother's eye, and nicely ignore the log in our own!

We are commanded to 1 Pet 4:8 (NKJV) "... have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins' ". So the next time you see your friend's faults; remember God's love covers all your sins- He gives me the grace to take out the log out of your eye, and so extend that same love to your friend. Let us apply eyes of love, instead of using a microscope of others' flaws, meanwhile hitting them with the log that we haven't dealt with. Most often this log is one of pride and judgment (I'm better than you). Let us repent of our sins, before trying to correct or abandon others.

“May the Lord bless you with His grace to deal with your own logs, 
may He keep you in His grace that overcomes;
May the Lord make His face shine upon,
And be gracious to you by not mentioning your faults;
May the Lord lift up His face upon you,
And give you peace with yourself and your fellow man”’

Real Faith

So recently I've been pondering what does faith mean? & what does it mean to have real faith? Now if you come from Charsmatic background like me, you tend to think those who pray for the sick to get healed and it happens are the people with real faith. I mean the gift of faith is all about seeing things which seem impossible happen. But recently I've been confronted with people with a different type of faith, a faith of perseverance. If faith means to trust God, these people keep on keeping on trusting Him despite their circumstances. They are the ones brave enough to walk on water and do the right thing even though the winds and the rains are screaming for their attention, and though they doubt they keep choosing to place their eyes on Jesus (Matt 14:22-33). 

Those that face circumstance after circumstance that as an outsider you shake your head and say how can you believe in God? Those who face cancer, bankruptcy, divorce, miscarriages etc. and keep looking to God as their light and their salvation (Psa 27:1). Those who persist in trusting God and do not fall for the lie that has trapped man from the beginning, that is God really good? Now that's what I call real faith! And what is faith? "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" Heb 11:1 It is the assurance that God will keep His promise and that He remains good. It is only through trusting God, knowing that He will reward us as we seek Him, that we are pleasing to Him (Heb 11:6). Jesus said "Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" I don't know about you but if Jesus comes during my life time I want to be found having faith in Him; no matter what has or hasn't happened to me.

May the LORD bless you with the ability to see His goodness even in dark times

May He keep you in His arms forever

May His face shine upon you as you keep your eyes on Him and not the storms

May He lift up His countenance to you, since your faith pleases Him 

And may He give you peace as you keep on holding on and trusting...

New hearts= new fruits

So recently I was sick, I had a cold that cost about R1000 to fix- shock horror! I had to go to the Doctor, and for a lot of money the doctor gave me 10 rushed minutes, they were so rushed I could not recall what she said was wrong with me! She briefly mentioned that my infection may be due to my allergies, but there was no discussion (or even medicine) to help with my allergies. There was no dealing with the root, how to actually get my sinus/allergies better (such as healthy eating, allergy injections, sinus clear etc) but just dealing with the symptoms. How often do we do the same in our lives- we see the fruit: gossip, smoking, complaining, envy, lust, pride, doubt etc. but we do not deal with the root (need for acceptance, control, comfort etc). We are so much like the Pharisees, we clean the outside of our cups, while forgetting that it is the inside that makes you clean! "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." Matt 23:25-26 

We like sticking plasters on our brokenness, pretending everything is fine when inside we need a change! God is not like my doctor, He is the Great Physician, He does not deal with the symptoms. He deals with our hearts- but we have to let Him. I mean cut off the thorns of a tree- it will still give you thorns, cut out the roots and plant a new tree and you will get apples! This is a process, which takes time, which hurts- I mean its alot easier to cut off branches than roots. Jesus said " But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them." Matt 15:18-20. Meaning that the root of our problem is in our hearts and that what we do (or don't do) is just an outflow of our hearts, and the law can not fix the wickedness inside- only God can do that! God wants to give us new hearts... Let us allow Him close, let us allow Him to dig up our roots so we can have new hearts, and new fruits! "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26. For only with Him we can have a new heart so we can bear new fruit (John 15:5)

May the LORD bless you with the ability to let Him close so He can give you a new heart.
May the LORD keep you so you may bear good fruit. 
May He make His face shine upon you that you may know He loves you as He shows you   the roots.
May He give you peace; complete wholeness- body, soul and spirit.

Gott schreibt auch auf krummen linen grade

"Gott schreibt auch auf krummen linen grade".. say what?! hehe this is a German saying which loosely translated means that God can even turn our crooked paths straight. We face trails, difficulties and sometimes we feel there is no hope, it is just dark; we feel forsaken by God. Maybe it is at the hands of natural disaster such as death and famine we suffer (just like Ruth), or maybe it is at the hands of others we suffer abuse (much like Joseph who was sold by his brothers), or perhaps it is by our own doing that we are suffering (much like David's sin with Bathseba, or Peter's denial of Christ). We sit in jails (Joseph), in a foreign country (Ruth), back at our old comfort zones (Peter fishing) and we wander why we are here, we feel failed by God, others and ourselves. We sit in the dark and we have a choice. We can choose like Joseph to keep trusting God in our jail and be faithful in where we are, to keep trusting like Ruth to look to God for protection, to turn to Jesus after we have failed Him; or we can choose to despair and give up hope to be Orpah and go back home, to be Judas and instead of going to Jesus, get depressed and even choose to give in to death. 

The choice is not easy, for the darkness is real. But the point of all these stories is that when God looks missing He is actually working in the background. That even though Joseph's brothers were planning to harm him, this turned out for their salvation! WOW! Gen 50: 20 says "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." When Ruth had no hope of a future (widows were seen as the lowest in society), God was busy putting the puzzle pieces in place for Boaz to meet her. Jesus redeems Peter, restores him to be the founder of the church; He appears to Him first after the resurrection.

The biggest example of how God turns our darkest nights into glory stories is the cross.. It seemed all was lost, the Messiah, the promised long-awaited one was dead- crucified, cursed; there was no hope. Yet on the third day He rose again, having defeated death and every spiritual power! The victory is HIS, He has overcome. So do not fear mistakes, dark nights- keep trusting, keep hoping for God is still at work. 

May the Lord bless you, may He keep you as you take refuge under the shadow of His wings (Ruth 2:12).
May the Lord shine upon you so that you may continue to hope.
May He be gracious to you so that you can experience for yourself His deep love.
May His face turn to you so that he may make your crooked places straight.
And may He give you peace even as you face your darkest night...

POEM: May you see...

May you see...

Solid walls of steel

Heart of iron, where no one can enter

What to do when love meets resistance;

Does love not conquer all?!

How is it that everyone around me sees,

Yet you remain blind as a bat

To the beauty I have to offer,

The beauty that is me.

Do you want me or not?

Your words and actions do not match

Hold me tight, yet you let me go

Miss me so much, yet so unsure

The doubts, the confusion, the fears

SCREAM so loud!!!

This is not safe, run away!

Burry your heart in a prison of fear and the fake comfort of idols

But do you not know,

Have you not heard

To love is to risk, to love is to suffer.

To truly love passionately is to die.

So much joy, so much blessing;

Yet accompanied by so much pain…

This lies in the promise; just look at the cross

The risk is worth taking, for I will be a virtous bride

Yet jump you must; let go of hurt, let go of offence, let go of your perfection…

Choose to break down the walls, choose to trust;

Choose to take a chance, choose to open your eyes…

Choose to care, choose to pursue; for I am worth a fight.

Open your eyes, for you cannot behold

 the treasure of the gift; the gift that is I.

For your eyes are blind, your heart is hard-

 I can feel it from afar

Yes there is a choice you need to make,

 but to truly see you need the man who will put His finger upon your eyes;

who says to go wash yourself in His unending grace…

There is only one who truly lifts the veil,

 who turns hearts of stone into hearts of flesh.

There is only one who lets us truly love.

And this is my prayer my dear,

That though you have heard of Him,

Now your eyes may see;

That your heart  may be free to love Him,

To truly feel, to truly love, to truly risk …

For He has risked it all on you.

Erika Filter

Kingdom stuff

We all know Matthew 6:33 " But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Yet somehow we lose track of what this really means, we seem drawn into the world's system of thinking. We think that if only I can get enough money, I will have a nice house, a nice car, nice clothes and then I will be happy (and loved). Or give me the husband with the kids and the white picket fence then I will be content. This can be seen by our spending (and I'm talking to myself too!). How much of our money goes into making ourselves happier- buying a chocolate, a scarf etc. What would it really look like if we put God's kingdom first?! James 4:4 says "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." Ouchy!!! If that is not a wake up call I don't know what is.

Let's reconsider what the kingdom means; the kingdom means wherever the king reigns and living in HIS rule equals peace, love and justice. It also includes telling others about the king who is the Prince of Peace (Isa 9:6). So then what does Matthew 6 look like practically in my life and yours? Maybe it means instead of buying a chocolate for R10, giving that money to a car guard; or giving the money for your scarf to an orphanage. Or using the money to support a missionary overseas. It could mean just being friendly at work, seeking justice by signing a petition, or standing up for what is right. We need to hear from God what/where/when and how He wants us to contribute to His kingdom. But most importantly let's change the way we think- a car, nice house, good spouse (affirmation, status, power) will never truly satisfy. Let us seek the one who truly satisfies; who let's us never thirst again...

May the Lord bless you with satisfaction that comes only from Him
May He keep you in His righteousness
May His face shine upon you that you may extend His light and His kingdom
May He be gracious upon You in all you do
and may He give you peace as you walk to extend His peace to others.