Poetry: "The promise"

The promise

I know the plans I have or you,

You  Erika- plans for good;

And not for disaster,

To give you a future and a hope (Jer 29:11).

It will look different than you expect,

It will not always be smooth sailing,

But I will be there;

Leading you step by step.

Let me fulfil my promise-

Let me lead you to your future.

Remember the promise when you are uncertain;

Remember even though confusion surrounds you.

I am in control, and yes

I have a plan, a plan for you.

Trust in me, hope in me, have faith in me.

I will fulfil my promise,

If you choose to walk with me,

If you choose to follow my ways.

When you face adversity, uncertainty;

Remember I am you’re rock, you’re security

You may not see the path, but I do.

Take my hand and walk with me.

Salvation story

I grew up knowing who Jesus was from a very young age, since my dad was a pastor at a German church. My parents had a relationship with God and because of this I had a relationship with Jesus from a very young age. I remember reading my Bible and praying almost every day since I was in Grade 3. I 'officially' got saved either when I was 13 at a play about Heaven and hell, or at 16 when we went to a conference as the Christian society. However what happened is that although I knew Jesus- I responded to every altar call after I got saved, I must have responded to at least 10 altar calls, always thinking that I had fallen back into sin. Sadly no one followed up on me. However when I was in varsity I met one of my best friends, Paula, and  her and her friends showed what it was like to be sold out for Jesus. and I knew I wanted the same. In 3^rd year of varsity, God’s grace came through and I met an evangelist Pravani. She walked a road with me, and she explained to me that I can be assured that I will go to heaven due to my faith in Jesus, not because what I have or have not done. Before that I often felt I needed to recommit my life because I had sinned again. It was through her speaking to me, Bible School and Ephesians 2:8-10 (For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast) that I knew without a doubt I’m going to heaven no matter what I’ve done or will do. Before I was often caught in trying to achieve God's love, trying to reach Him- rather than accepting that He has done it all for me! In this year I got baptised and went on my first mission trip. It’s been a journey of walking with God- receiving lots of healing for my issues, especially that of self-esteem. Before I did not think very much of myself and was seriously lacking in self-confidence, and it has been a process of walking with God to realize I am valuable, I have worth and I have something to add. I have not yet reached perfection- if only ;) but I know that I have grown immensely. I know that without God I would still hate myself. I'd still be trying to measure up rather than living knowing His love & that I am precious to Him.

May God bless you with the knowledge of His grace, that you do not need to strive to win His love, may He keep you forever and always, may He make His face shine upon you so that you may know you are loved & precious, may He be gracious towards you and give you peace as you live for Him. <3 

When life happens...

So what do you do when life (i.e. crap) happens. When things don't turn out the way you want them to? When you loose keys and don't find them despite having faith. When you still struggle with a disease despite countless prayers. Or when you are struggling with the same emotional problem again?! 

These are hard questions. I was asking myself this question, due to my dissapointment in having lost a friend's car keys and not finding them, despite feeling I had received a promise to do so. And  there I was sitting in a restaurant trying not to cry because it sucks. I felt God show me a picture of Jesus' nail pierced hands, and the sense that this is how much God loves me. He gave everything for me!! It seems this is the question the devil keeps bringing up, since the garden of Eden: "Is God really good? Why then is He withholding?" And since the beginning of time, we fail and tend not to trust God's heart- especially when things go badly. Jeremiah 29: 11 which says " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " is in a bad time. It is in a time where the Israelites are prisoners aka. they are in a crappy place far from home, and it's not where they want to be at all. Yet God says in this bad situation, "Trust me, my heart is good; I have a good plan for you despite this mess." And this is the challenge for us- to believe God's heart, even when we don't see it. I will describe a story to further this principle: 

• A girl was worried about her relationship with her boyfriend because he was being secretive, and she felt he was being different  and she suspected he was cheating on her. She planned to break up with him, because of this. She decided to wait until her exams finish to do so. At the end of her exams- He proposed!! The reason he withdrew from her, was so that the engagement would be a surprise.

In the same way I tend to doubt God's heart, because I can't see things in the natural- but I have no idea what He is up to behind the scenes in the spiritual. I have no idea what wonderful surprises He is busy planning for me. So I'm trying to learn to trust His heart- because it is full of love, goodness, mercy and grace. And in Him there is not even a tiny bit of evil! He is ONLY GOOD!!! So may the Lord bless you and keep you with the knowledge that He is good! May His face continue to shine on you in good and bad times. May He be gracious towards you. May He turn His face toward you, and give you peace in those moments, those seasons where life happens, so that you may know His heart of love.

Poetry: "Darkness into light"

Darkness into light 

"I’m covered in sin,

Spoilt by evil.

There is no good in me,

None at all

Yet still after all this time

You stand and knock

Knock at my heart door,

Waiting patiently until I choose to let you in.

So used to my darkness.

Don’t want to let the light in.

Not the light of love and peace-

For I am so afraid.

For I am accustomed to the darkness,

The cold floor,

The rot,

And the isolation.

I don’t want war: I’ve had enough;

I’d like some peace.

I don’t want hate;

I’d like some love.

But for these things to come in,

Light must come with it-

But I’m afraid of what you’ll find.

Yet I know I cannot stay this way,

So slowly I get up,

To let the light in

I’m so weak, so afraid.

Dear Lord make me strong.

I know I’m a sinner,

Full of brokenness and death.

So come in Lord,

If you will have me.

Flooding light,

Shattering love;

Filling my darkness,

Filling my aches.

I’ll help you unpack

Lord I’d like you to stay.

For the light of your love is beautiful and true;

Thank you for turning my darkness into light. "

Erika Filter