Fear & Relationships

Recently I went ‘tubbing’ (this is where you take tyre tube from a tractor down the river) with my family, yes we love adventure :)  And well it was a lot more rocky than I expected and at one point I got so scared that I got off my tube and walked down the rocks instead. You see about 3 years back (or more?) I went tubing and down the rapids I got hurt. I don’t remember what happened, but my parents tell me there was a cement wall and I went down and hit some rocks. But while my conscious memory cannot remember, my sub-conscious certainly can, and it induced a fear ride 3 years later. The whole ride I was anxious and fearful, and to be honest not enjoying myself. And I wondered is this how I approach relationships, full of fear and stopping half way and not just going with the flow/tide and enjoying the ride? You see some hurts in my past, even though some forgotten and others not, still impacts the way I do relationships now, hesitant because of fear that I will get hurt and I’m not only talking about romantic relationships. I feel it takes courage to try again in love after one has been hurt. But this (fearing people and relationship) is not how God calls me to live, instead He wants me to trust Him with my heart and from that place trust and love others freely.

Then there are those of you who have a different type of fear, the type that are like the Runaway Bride, afraid of being alone. These are the people who go from one relationship to the next. They are not like me who is scared to try in the first place, but instead they are afraid of what they will face if they are alone. They need courage and the help of God, to allow them to heal their hurts which cause them to cling to relationships, and they should give themselves time to be alone.

Neither these approaches are godly, for God says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Tim 1:7 (NLT). You see through Christ we need to trust Him to free us from our fears, so that we can be brave enough to try again for He holds our hearts; or that we can be brave enough to be alone for in Him we truly are never alone. Let us allow God’s perfect love to wash away our fears (1 John 4:18).

May God bless you with courage

And keep you in His hands, as you face your fears

May He make His face shine upon you as He heals your hurts

And give you peace in yourself and your relationships

Poetry: Kaalvoetkind

Ek is 'n kaal-voetkind van Suid Afrika.

Ek staan by die see en die wind waai ou droome weg.

"Hoekom is jou hart seer my kind?"

Die son skyn maar die pyn bly;

Hoe kan daar beeldskoon en verwoesting wees in die selfde plek?

Ek is leeg, ek eet maar ek bly honger.

Ek bly soek en ek bly dors.

Ek soek my hart wat dans en sing. 

Ek soek my hart wat glo in goeie goed...

Ek soek myself en die groot Ek is sonder wie ek nie kan leef nie.

Ek mis die hardop lag; die kind wees, die droom en die eenvoudige vertroue in my pa in die Hemel. 

Ek stil my gedagtes

Ek kyk vir die see en onthou die Een met my is groter as die golwe, storms, see en seer.

En ek vluister saggies, "Pa, as ek spring; sal jy my vang?"

Erika Filter

One day syndrome

Is it just me, or do you also live for one day... one day when I get married, one day I when I own a beautiful house, one day when I have kids, one day when my kids go to school, one day when my kids are out of school, one day when I have a new phone/car, one day when I get a better job, earn that much then.. then what?! Then I will be happy. Ok we probably never say these things aloud, but secretly in our heart we think them.  What is it about the human heart that seems to never be satisfied (see Prov 27:20).  I think God created us with this huge vacuum in us, that is never truly satisfied apart from Him. It is this disaisfaction that drives us towards God. And sometimes we think the God vacuum is only for un-believers, but when we come to know Christ it is like we have tasted true water and need to come again and again to be filled by Him. That is why Paul, very much a strong Christian speaks of how he presses on to know God more (Phil 3). You see recently I’ve been looking to things and people to fill me, and it leaves me dry and thirsty. God showed me that “ohne dich (Gott) is alles doff”, meaning that if without God everything else is meaningless.

So how do we go from one day syndrome to saying like Paul, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content” Phil 4:11. I think the important word is learned, you see it’s a process. I believe part of the process involves bringing your need to God. If for example I want a boyfriend, I can ask myself why- and then I realize it is because I feel lonely; then I ask God to fill that lonely spot with His loving presence. Because you see my need is not for a guy, but to feel I am not alone- which is something only God can truly do. Ok lets take a phone, why do I feel I want a new phone- do I desire status to feel acceptance, again I can bring that need for acceptance to the LORD. Please don’t understand me wrong it is not wrong to desire any things I mentioned in this blog, but I know that if God is not in it I don’t want it. Moses desired God’s presence more than His presents (see Exodus 33) and I want my heart to be the same.

The other way to overcome one day syndrome, is to be thankful here and now- the fact that I have a phone (even if its old), that I have Jesus, that I have family, that I have food etc. Let’s be thankful and count our blessings.  A good book on this is 1000 Gifts, if you get a chance go read it.

May the LORD bless you with a thankful heart for today

May the LORD keep you thirsty for HIM

May He make His face shine upon you as He fills you with Himself

And may God bless you with completeness in Him.

Restorer of the breach

BREAKUPS SUCK!!! I know of very few good breakups. My friend is hurting, she doesn’t need to say it but I know and I know that it’s because of the breakup that her heart is broken. And I can’t help of think of how it was for me. At first I was fine (denial big time). The one piece of advice I got, which would irritate me a bit was to keep going to Jesus with the pain. After a while the pain hit, not only was I losing my boyfriend, but my friend too which was hard. Not having someone to do things with made me feel lonely. I remember one time I wanted to go for a walk and there were no friends avalible to go with me. I remember while walking feeling that the reason was so I could learn to be alone again. 

God speaks to me with images and in that season God used the stair case outside my flat. My friends were concerned that there was a crack in the wall of the stair case, at first it was a small crack but it kept growing. I ignored it. Each week after small group someone would say I should do something, but yes I ignored it while the crack went from a hairline fracture till you could put your whole hand inside. And a friend said that the wall and crack must have some type of prophetic meaning concerning my life. I chuckled a bit at first. But after a while I realised the wall represented my heart. At first the breakup felt like a small crack and as time went by the pain grew worse. I remember there were 2 weeks, which was after 2 months after the breakup, that I just cried & cried. I remember I was at church and I was just crying. I barely heard a word the pastor preached beacuse I was too emotional. The only thing I remember the pastor mentioned, almost as a side-line, is that Jesus is the healer of the broken hearted. And I was pouring out my heart to the LORD asking him to do that for me. I felt as though my heart was breaking, maybe even completely broken! This was the time the crack had become a hole from the bottom of the staircase all the way to the top (I lived on 2^nd floor). So after lots of encouragement from my friends I emailed our estate agent about the wall problem. It’s the same way with a break-up we need to ask for help; I had a friend who let my vent on our walks which I found extremely helpful. And after these two weeks of intense heart-break I spoke to my ex, and that helped me get some closure. I would not recommend this for everyone, I’m just telling my story. It was around this time that they put cement into the hole of my wall. I then went for a road trip with a friend, and through some real deep discussions and her honesty I felt like the healing was done. As I returned home- the wall was painted white!!!  And I just felt like it was finished...

 

And although there was a real sense of completion, it doesn’t mean I never thought of him again. But rather the pain was not so intense anymore. And God even took me to a lot of the places we had memories so I could make new memories in those places...He did a restoration work!

Ok what do break-ups have to do with restorer of the breach? And what does that mean anyway?! Isaiah 58:12 says, “thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach”. It speaks of Jesus fixing the wall. You see walls represent protection and if there is a hole in the wall, the enemy could come in. So for me this verse speaks of Jesus coming to do what He did for me, of healing my broken heart. Of filling the gaps caused by the pain, not only from break-ups but our past, parents, friends etc. You see Jesus restores our broken hearts. So my advice for those who are broken-hearted is the same advice I received- keep going to Jesus with your pain. He will protect you, He will fix and cement your heart and He will at the right time paint it that you will not be able to see there was a crack in the first place.

May the LORD bless you with knowing the Healer of the broken hearted

May the LORD keep you safe as you bring Him your hurt

May the LORD make His face shine upon you with friends to walk beside you

And may He give you peace as He makes you whole.

Let go of the old

Recently I’ve decided to get a new car. Now those who know me, know my car is like my personality loud &  robust. I’ve had many a adventures in choertiji (also known as Golfi, Herbi, Boomerang). And when someone came to look at her to see if they want to buy her, my heart sank- her seats are ripped, the seat-belt isn’t working, her body looks a bit bruised, but man she has soullll...

As you can tell I’m emotionally attached to Golfie, perhaps it is that she was my first car, the one I said that I would drive till she dies. Perhaps it’s all the fond memories; hooting at random people because we can, going on road-trips and alot of fun. Prehaps it is because it is the most expensive possession I ‘own’. But I’ve always believed God has blessed me with choertji, so I can bless others. And I believe I have...

So I ask myself the question, why is it hard for me to let go? Do I somehow doubt God’s provision? Or that the new will not be good, because I'm comfortable with the old broken down? Do I believe the lies of the enemy that somehow I deserve a choretji (old car)? It seems strange that despite all her many flaws I desire to keep her. But are we not all like that? We struggle to give up the old the comfortable, because we do not believe God wants to bless us with the new and better. We hang unto our addictions, our self-defeating behaviours because somehow we think this is it, this is the way I’m supposed to live. But God has called us to let go of the old to embrace the new.

What if Lazrus after being resurrected (see John 11), wanted to keep the grave cloths on? What a strange picture, a living man in burial clothes. Jesus says to unbind him, and so we need to allow Jesus to unbind us from our old unhealthy ways of thinking, doing and relating. Let’s let go of the old to embrace the new.

May God bless you as you let go

May the Lord unbind you from your ’grave-cloths’

May God make His face shine upon you as you embrace the new

And may He give you peace in the transforming process

Perspective

I’ve recently moved to a beautiful city (Durban), when I got here all I could see where beautiful big green trees. As time passed I started to see the fences and walls to keep people safe. Today I was walking along the beach, when I got here I saw the beautiful sea and restaurants; now that a bit of time has passed I see the old delapdated buildings. When you stay in a beautiful place, after time passes you forget to appreciate the beauty. And it got me thinking about perspective. It can be so easy to see the bad things, what is wrong in a job, in your life, in a relationship, in you, and your family; but do you see the good? You see places and people have both good and bad, but what do we choose to focus on? It does not take much effort to criticise/complain, but the word of God tells us to “Do everything without complaining” Phil 2:14, but instead to be grateful and thankful (see Eph 5:20).

God sees things in a different way than we do, His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isiah 55:9). In 1 Sam 16:7 says "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” God sees the internal (heart – our attitudes, intentions), not the external.

My parents are amazing, ‘plat op die aarde’, very humble people, and they too do not focus on the external. At times I feel drawn into the system of the world of “How do I look?”, what do I drive, wanting to keep up with the filtered Jonses instead of remaining focused on what is truly important. Col 3:2 says Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth (unlike the world). Because you see what truly counts is not the dress I wear, but the way I treat people. I am to put on ‘love’ (Col 3:14) not some name brand. So you see what is of true importance is the eternal, the hearts of people and the presence of God. So let’s keep our minds focused on this.

May the LORD bless you with a heavenly perspective

May He keep you focused on Him & His kingdom

May God make His face shine upon you as you remain humble

May God give you peace as you turn your eyes unto Him.

Beautifully flawed

I can’t count how many times in my life I wished I would feel less, or at least less intensely. Often others go thorough stress, and they seem to not let it bug them. But for me it’s to the 10^th degree stress. When something sad happens, it feels like my heart breaks (and yes to the 100^th degree that others seem to experience, or so it feels). But oh the joy when I have joy... No I don’t have bipolar, but I do feel intensely and I feel a lot. 

I’ve often wished my heart to be harder. Yet I know God wants to give us a heart of flesh (Ezek11:19). And so today as I was crying, pouring out my heart to God; wishing again that I could be different when I was reminded of Psalm 139. A well known scripture to most, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (v13-14). What struck me is the phrase: "I praise you” and why does David praise the LORD? Because God did a good job with David. And not only did God do a good job with David, He did a good job with me! Wow! As I read that I realized I more often complain to God about how He made me (this can include complaining about looks, or part of your personality); rather than praising Him for how HE has created me.

You see God had a plan with the emotional way He made me. Maybe it’s so I can have greater compassion on those struggling, maybe it is so I can show others that to have emotions are ok, and it’s ok to cry. But I believe that the biggest  gift of my emotionality is to realize a closeness to God. For “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18. You see the gift of realizing you’re broken is that it brings you to God...When you realize how deeply broken you are, how you can’t without Him- it brings you closer to Him. Even as I type this I recognize that it is a journey of realizing the gifts He has given, even in the things we see as flaws. But for today won’t you join me in saying thank you God, for making us unique, beautiful, and creating a sense of awe in the masterpiece He has created and is creating in you & me (see Eph 2:10).

May the LORD bless you in knowing you are a masterpiece

May the LORD keep you from complaining about your ‘flaws’

May the LORD make His face shine upon you as you praise Him for His work in you

May the LORD give you peace as you search for identity in Him.